Breaking Covenant~ The Truth About Divorce

No one really desires to discuss this topic, especially not biblically, because there are only two options left at the end of the discussion.  Supporting God’s design or supporting mans.  If you agree with the latter, you will be given the sentiment of being understanding, loving, helpful, and a true friend.  However, if you are in agreement with God’s original design, you usually are not granted similar synonyms.  They usually fall more along these lines: judgmental, killjoy, legalistic, and unloving.  When you fall into this bracket you’ll get rebuttals sounding something like this, “You’re saying that God doesn’t care about my happiness or that I have to be alone the rest of my life, even if I’m the innocent party?  What about if the spouse abandons or commits adultery? Are those not grounds for a biblical divorce?”  We have all mulled over and wanted answers to these questions. The problem to these rebuttals lies in the focus of these questions.  They aren’t all about God, His design, covenant, or how we can best fulfill His desires here on earth.  Rather, the point of those questions is one thing: self-focus.  I know, I’m probably about to lose 80% of the average reader, and the rest of the 20% are just hanging in out of sheer curiosity over where I’m going with this.  However, if only 1% takes to heart what I am about to say, then I’m filled with joy!  For all the skeptics, just keep reading, you may be surprised at what you find.  I’m about to answer some tough questions…biblically!

First off, I’m going to start with some Scripture, but I’m not going to start with the typical Scriptures used in the discussions on this life changing topic.  Instead, let us take a look at Romans 7:1-3.

“Or do you not know, brethren (for I am speaking to those who know the law), that the law has jurisdiction over a person as long as he lives?  For the married woman is bound by law to her husband while he is living; but if her husband dies, she is released from the law concerning the husband. So then, if while her husband is living she is joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from the law, so that she is not an adulteress though she is joined to another man” (NASB, emphasis mine).

Now if we were reading this without partiality, we would see one key point stand out to us ~ a person is bound in marriage by law, until death.  The problem with this statement is we now live in a society where laws are relative!  They are subject to change based on WHOM the lawmaker is and how long he/she holds that position.  We think “too American” when we read Scripture, instead of thinking with the mind of Christ. With this skewed way of thinking, we then believe that divorce is not only acceptable to God, but is actually a part of His plan for our lives!  We swiftly embrace a man-made law that enables us to have our way--divorce from an unpleasing spouse. And in the process, we smack God’s signet ring on it and say, “God told me to.”  Oh what joy that we serve a longsuffering King of kings when we flippantly make statements such as these.  Trust me when I say I am thankful for His mercy, because I have experienced His grace in wanting my own way on this topic.  These Truths I am sharing have come from painful hours, days, and years of wrestling with God years ago, when I came to personally face this question when desirous of marrying a divorced man.  These Truths changed not only the course of my life, but the very way I viewed God and the Bride of Christ.  There is a much deeper issue at stake here than getting God’s approval for a new spouse. I want to share with you the Truths of God’s Word.  I pray that because of it, one life may be changed by my obedience to write about it.

The Lord God of heaven and earth so honored His set up for covenant marriage, that He left no room for divorce in uniting with us, His Bride.  Jesus Christ abides by His heavenly Father’s master plan.  He could not biblically or rightfully join with us (take us as His Bride) while we were yet joined to another…Law.  You see, this passage (see Romans 7:1-3), is about so much more than the first three verses about God NOT supporting remarriage, until AFTER death.  It’s about how earthly marriage is a depiction of Christ and the Church, and in being so, how His own Son (Jesus Christ), must fulfill the Law upon a rugged Cross. Therefore, it enables us to die to the Law through the body of Jesus Christ (v4), in order for Him to biblically and rightfully gain His Bride (indwelt believers in Christ).  There must be death for a covenant to be broken, and death had to come (Christ’s death) in order for us to be united with our Groom!  Do you understand the power of this Truth?  Take a moment to realize that God is not requiring anything from us that He does not abide by Himself! God is true to His Word, His character, and He is the ONLY lawmaker. If we keep reading in Romans 7, this is what we will find…

“Therefore, my brethren, you also were made to die to the Law through the body of Christ, so that you might be joined to another, to Him who was raised from the dead, in order that we might bear fruit for God. For while we were in the flesh, the sinful passions, which were aroused by the Law, were at work in the members of our body to bear fruit for death.  But now we have been released from the Law, having died to that by which we were bound, so that we serve in newness of the Spirit and not in oldness of the letter” (Rom 7:4-6, NASB, emphasis mine).

Here is the root issue to the rebuttal questions asked in the opening paragraph.  When we buy into the “right” and “ability” to divorce, we lose sight of its effects on the ultimate marriage--Jesus Christ to the body of indwelt believers.  Jesus didn’t hand the Law a certificate of divorce to explain why He could now be bound in unity/oneness with us as His Bride. God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16), and He was not about to give His stamp of approval for it so His own Son could gain a bride.  Jesus knew and understood the character and precepts of His heavenly Father:  we needed to die unto the Law in order to be released to be His Bride, and know the newness of the Spirit; He paid the ultimate price of obedience to His Abba in order to obtain a way for the release for us; and He fulfilled the oldness of the letter (Law).  If Christ did not follow His Abba’s master plan, then we would have been unequally yoked, married to two masters, and been an adulterous bride.  You’re probably thinking, “God would never do that! We wouldn’t be free from sin and death. It would go against His character, His Word, and the whole Gospel message!”  You know what?  You are absolutely right…He wouldn’t…and He didn’t.  He had to preserve covenant.  He had to have a pure, unadulterated bride for His Son (1 Cor. 7:39).  In the same way, God desires each marriage to be a representation of His Truth, character, and covenant…yes, whether a person believes it to be true or not.  God doesn’t change His mind, Word, or character to make you and me comfortable…not even to make us happy.  So to answer our previous question on happiness…no, the Lord God is not especially fretting over our happiness.  He loves, adores, cares, and cherishes us, but He will do that through the fulfillment of His Truth, and not go against it for our temporal desires.  When we ask those questions, we are asking from a temporal mindset of wanting fulfillment to physical longings here on earth. But when God answers us, He is answering us with an eternal perspective and desire to fulfill us with Himself. 

For those of you still wrestling with Scriptures that to our human minds seem to be “on the fence” with the issue (Matt. 19:1-8, Mark 10:2-12, 1 Cor. 7:15), let’s just walk the scenario out. Let’s say that God actually did believe in “biblical divorce,” as some call it.  Do you realize that if Jesus followed the idea of a biblical divorce, the Bride of Christ would no longer be united with Him?  Jesus would have been able to leave His Bride within the first week (if not sooner)!  Why?  Because we have committed adultery against Jesus!  We have had other idols/lovers and put them in His rightful place.  We, too, have abandoned and forsaken Him--in our words and deeds. Some of us have even walked away for years at a time declaring that we were displeased with Him as our Groom.  We were no longer fulfilled and in love; we thought we deserved happiness. 

Oh Lord God, thank You for not giving us the “biblical divorce” we demand.  Thank You for not taking what we like to call “biblical grounds” and walk away from us as Your Bride!  If You did, there would be no assurance of Salvation, no Christ and the Church, no exchanged life (not I, but Christ), nor eternity spent consummating the marriage (Rev. 19:7-9, 21:2-9).”

I ask you, do you want a Groom who believes in “biblical divorce?” 

God, in His faithfulness, knew we would not be able to perfectly live out these Truths and principles. He knew in His foreknowledge that people would choose the “good” (man’s happiness--temporal) over God’s best (Jesus Christ’s fulfillment--eternal).  Did He condemn the multitudes when He spoke on the mount (Matt. 5:31-37) or the Pharisees for testing Him (Matt 19:3-12)?  No, He explained that we are not to make false vows before man or God (pledging to remain until death--but instead, sending a spouse away), and that Moses (not God) permitted certificates of divorce because of the “hardness of man’s heart” (Matt. 19:8). Divorce is not an unforgivable sin.  No indwelt believer will go to hell for choosing it.  However, it is not God’s best plan for us.  It does confuse and distort the picture of Christ and the Church to a dark and lost world, and it plays a huge part in the confusion of the doctrines of our churches today.  From the beginning of time, God’s design has been: one man + one woman = a lifetime.  He is unchanging (Heb. 13:8)…it is man who has changed. 

Don’t lose heart if you have chosen divorce (or if your spouse chose it and left you). Be assured, God redeems.  He can fulfill your needs upon this earth--physical, emotional, and spiritual.  He, by the power of Christ’s life IN you, can fulfill your commitment to a spouse who has walked away and even remarried.  He wants to use YOU to display His glory and testimony of how the Groom (Jesus) never leaves His Bride (body of Christ/the Church). Be an example to the next generation (especially if you have children), that you will not compromise God’s Truth, no matter how one person (your spouse) has chosen to violate God’s design. Be willing to take a stand and preserve the future marriages of the next generation and the next and so forth!  It is a powerful ministry, one you cannot do on your own strength. Rely upon the Lord to fulfill His Truths through you.  After all, He is not requiring anything from you that He Himself has not done for His heavenly Father and His Bride.

If your spouse is not remarried, pursue reconciliation and restoration in God’s timing (Heb. 12:14; 1 Cor. 7:10-11; 2 Cor. 5:18). And finally, if you have already experienced a divorce and are already remarried, begin with these life changing Truths NOW…in the marriage you are in, with the person to whom you are now bound.  Confess and repent to the Lord for not honoring, obeying, and abiding by His design.  Today, make a fresh, forgiven stand and testify God’s Truth to others.  His ways are not popular and are rarely easy; but they are right, eternal, and full of spiritual rewards.

 

All Scriptures are taken from the New American Standard Bible, © Copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

Foundational Legacy

I wrote this for my lifelong friend when I was unable to be at her baby shower many miles away.  My Mom was encouraged by what I wrote, and wished for others to hear what the Lord revealed to me using a passage of Scripture on the role of investing in future generations.  You may or may not be a parent, but the vast majority of us have children somehow involved in our lives. My hope is that no matter what season of life you are in, this will be biblical encouragement for your life.  What is written below is written in letter form (with minor adjustments to generalize for the public) for my precious sister in the Lord on the birth of her 2^nd child (my adopted niece).  

Friend,

Although I am not yet a parent myself, I have been blessed to have many “child rearing” hours with my nieces and nephews, uniquely more than a typical aunt. I also have a wise mother and father who have learned through their own series of triumphs and mistakes. Yet, they have remained teachable to the Lord and continue to pour their lives into their grandchildren. I glean much wisdom from sitting at their feet.  Truth is Truth, whether you are a parent or not.  I know you believe this and can fully embrace my heart, as well as the places I’ve been with the Lord teaching and sanctifying me.  I am thankful you can receive this parenting encouragement from me though unmarried and yet without babes of my own. 

Let’s dive into the fresh, living water of His Word and read…

1 Corinthians 3:9-23 (NASB)

⁹ For we are God’s fellow workers; you are God’s field, God’s building.

¹⁰ According to the grace of God which was given to me, like a wise master builder I laid a foundation, and another is building on it. But each man must be careful how he builds on it. ¹¹ For no man can lay a foundation other than the one which is laid, which is Jesus Christ. ¹² Now if any man builds on the foundation with gold, silver precious stones, wood, hay, straw, ¹³ each man’s work will become evident; for the day will show it because it is to be revealed with fire, and the fire itself will test the quality of each man’s work. ¹⁴ If any man’s work which he has built on it remains, he will receive a reward. ¹⁵ If any man’s work is burned up, he will suffer loss; but he himself will be saved, yet so as through fire.

¹⁶ Do you not know that you are a temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you? ¹⁷ If any man destroys the temple of God, God will destroy him, for the temple of God is holy, and that is what you are.

¹⁸ Let no man deceive himself. If any man among you thinks that he is wise in this age, he must become foolish, so that he may become wise. ¹⁹ For the wisdom of this world is foolishness before God. For it is written, “He is the one who catches the wise in their craftiness”; ²⁰ and again, “The Lord knows the reasonings of the wise, that they are useless.” ²¹ So then let no one boast in men. For all things belong to you, ²² whether Paul or Apollos or Cephas or the world or life or death or things present or things to come; all things belong to you, ²³ and you belong to Christ; and Christ belongs to God.

This passage is called “Foundations for Living.”  I don’t think it excludes the foundations that we give the next generation.  I was struck by the fact that the Lord wants us CONSTANTLY to weigh how we parent children by its value of eternal weight of glory.  In every generation, there are “trends” to parenting…whether its bottle feeding vs. breastfeeding, organic foods or Gerber®, cloth diapers vs. disposable, high law vs. low grace or vice versa, and the list goes on and on.  However, the bottom line is even the “good” parents can argue in their position to choose something in the raising of their children. We often miss the questions we should really be asking, such as: “How does this prepare my children to meet Jesus as their Savior? Do I create an environment that encourages my children to long for Jesus Christ?  Do I display to my children that I have been redeemed and live only by the power of the Holy Spirit within me? What foundation am I giving my children?”

You see, even though we can make “good” choices for our babies/children from the food they eat to the clothes they wear, if we make the “good” choices the focus (instead of Jesus Christ being the focus), all they learn is law without Christ’s fulfillment.  Satan deceives indwelt believers more through focusing on the good that thwarts God’s best, than he does getting them to focus on blatant sin/evil.  If we focus so much on the decisions we make in the temporal to the point where we stress out over what is the best bedtime routine, the right organic baby food, the best diapers, the right school curriculum, and so forth, then we will build a foundation that will not last and will not affect them for eternity (v12-13). Satan is thrilled when we focus on the “right thing” without the right motive/focus.  Our children may even grow up to become chosen indwelt believers, but if we do not focus on the life of Christ doing His work in and through them, we are not preparing them to have a foundation that will remain…a foundation that will be rewarded in eternity (v14-15).  Decisions for your children, my friend, need to come forth from the life of Christ IN you and your spouse.  Even well-meaning “good things” can detract from God’s eternal plan for your children.  Remember, so many of the choices we make here on earth are NOT for the here and now, but for generations to come and for eternity that is to be set in our hearts.  Our citizenship is not here on this earth (Phil. 3:20). Although we embrace that in the knowledge of our minds, do we live it out in our beliefs and choices, pointing back to God’s infinite glory?  Do we demonstrate this to the next generation?  

There is nothing to boast in but Christ Jesus as Lord (v21, 23), because belonging to Christ is all we need.  He paid the price of law; He fulfilled it so we can be free to walk in His grace…the perfect blend of His precepts and His doctrines, His judgment and His love, and all the things that seem an oxymoron to us are really the completion of His work through co-death, co-burial, co-resurrection, and co-ascension! This is what we must boast of to our children. What we must convey, they boast to others about. Anything less is a shaky foundation made up of Christian works, behavioral changes, and a life of striving for a freedom that God already offers us.  It’s finished from the moment He chooses and reveals His plan of salvation to the ripe heart. 

Do not be deceived (v18) by what appears to be wisdom, but really is only a worldly fable.  God’s wisdom doesn’t look brilliant to our flesh or the world, but it is. You will be blessed raising your children with an eternal foundation.  Because when we get to heaven, He won’t be concerned about what baby food we gave them, what diapers we used, or what bedtime routine we followed.  He will look to see the foundation we placed before them and if we seized Christ as Life and poured His Life into our discipline and training of their lives.  He isn’t looking for a perfect parent who never walks after his/her flesh.  He is looking for a humble parent who will reconcile his/her mistakes to their children, a teachable parent who asks other body members in Christ for Truth, and a parent who always runs counsel against God’s Word.    He isn’t looking for a strong parent. He is looking for a parent who says, “I am weak, a nobody. WITHOUT the indwelling life of Christ Jesus, I cannot parent this child.”

Take heart on your journey, my friend. With each child He grants you, He grants you not human ability, but His very life. He doesn’t make you stronger, he makes you weaker…so that you will rely and be dependent upon Him for raising up children in the Lord. The very One who created you, created your child!  He understands how you are both fashioned and wired (quirks and all!), and He will guide you through the dark nights and the sunny days, all for His glory. Surrender to the sanctification your children bring, and constantly share your foundation for the eternal.  They will be blessed!!!

 “For we can do nothing against the truth, but only for the truth” (2 Corinthians 13:8).

Scripture taken from the New American Standard Bible, © Copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

Winner of the Waiting Game

Who is the most patient person you know?  Think now of that person who just allows the Holy Spirit to ooze His fruit of longsuffering through him/her so much that it makes your heart ache just thinking about how long he/she has waited.  I’ve read stories of incredible people who have done some mind-bending waiting.  Those who have waited for deliverance, a prodigal child’s return, a spouse who left the marriage, the salvation of a loved one, a godly spouse, a physical healing, and the list goes on and on.  If you are like me, most of the time you read a story like that and are in awe.  Then you sit back and think one of two things: 1) If I was them, I could never have waited that long, or 2) Please God, don’t have me wait that long!  It’s pretty pathetic that we see waiting as such a negative thing. Most of us approach that word with trepidation and dread.  I’m guilty all too often. 

However, no matter who the winner of the waiting game is in your mind, there is only one winner…the Author of the Bible.  It’s not a scientific deduction; plain and simple, our Heavenly Father wins.  As we complain, whine, or sigh that He is having us wait “again,” have we ever stopped to think about all the sacrifices He makes in waiting for His people--for you, for me?  If there is anyone who could and should have instant gratification, it’s the Creator of the Universe!  He is a wiser God than we can fathom, and He understands the importance of waiting.  We make so much about faith being about us.  We think everything God gives us in a certain day is a lesson for us.  Now, mind you, I am NOT saying that He doesn’t teach us daily or that we shouldn’t have a teachable heart. Being teachable is one of the greatest gifts we can give God.  However, I am saying that when it comes to our faith, we all too quickly think of ourselves first, and not about His ultimate purpose: God receiving all the glory! Our hardships, trials, sufferings, and periods of waiting may not even be about us!  Of course, if we are moldable clay, then these times of stretching will indeed shape and sanctify us; but they are not always about us or the lessons we need to learn.  We may never know why God allows “the wait” in our lives until we are face-to face with Him.  Some of His purposes for our waiting may be revealed on this earth in due time. But the fullness of His plan, the evidence of His glory, and the people whose lives were affected cannot fully be known until we see it through the eyes of our omniscient, Sovereign Ruler. 

God isn’t just waiting for us to “get a clue.” He could give us that clue anytime He wanted!  Envision this… He CHOOSES to wait, every single minute, in thousands of ways, in millions of lives.  Why?  Why doesn’t He just do something?! For starters, He isn’t anything like man.  He understands the power of His glory and what must take place in every nation, in every city, in every family, and in every life, so that His plan reaches its ultimate climax (His Glory perfected in the lives of weak human beings, who choose to embrace that weakness, and depend on the greatness of the one True God).   After all, isn’t that our created purpose?  Oh, that we would lift up our hands and rejoice in the wait!  Whether we see its fruit upon this earth, or whether it’s for generations yet to come, His glory may not involve us getting to know the fullness of our wait. 

Charles Spurgeon was noted for saying this on the importance of waiting~

“If the Lord Jehovah makes us wait, let us do so with our whole hearts; for blessed are all they that wait for Him. He is worth waiting for. The waiting itself is beneficial to us: it tries faith, exercises patience, trains submission, and endears the blessing when it comes. The Lord’s people have always been a waiting people.” ¹

Sometimes we get the blessing after the wait, but sometimes the blessing belongs to another.  Is the wait worth the sacrifice to you to bless the next generation, if you never see the full fruit on this earth? Or, to know that you honored God in the wait, despite the lack of reward you received?  These are not easy questions.  It pains me to ask them in my own life.  For that is just the thing; waiting will not be without its difficulties and sufferings.  Waiting will be full of tears, of wondering, and of questions.  And our groom, Jesus Christ, and Heavenly Father understand each and every one of those.  Yet, know it produces dependency…the need for “not I, but Christ in me” doing the waiting (Gal 5:5). When all is said and done, “who” really did the waiting?  We certainly cannot wait with purpose in our strength.  It must come from the Author of waiting, the one who wins the waiting game every time…the Triune God.  All in all, we really aren’t doing the waiting, for waiting goes against everything we want and desire here on earth.  If we had the ability to change things in our own lives, I highly doubt we would choose waiting like Jesus Christ and our Heavenly Father did throughout history and continue to daily. Choosing a greater purpose… the glory of what is yet to come…the final pieces to His master plan and destiny of all created things…the complete picture of the God who was, and is, and is to come (Rev. 4:8). 

We are a “waiting people” because we serve a waiting God.  If you need evidence, you won’t have to look far.  Each book of the Bible is chalk full of His merciful waiting. From accounts like Moses and His wandering Hebrew people; David, in his sinful choices, as He groomed in him a heart like His; Ruth, as she trusted not in her own peoples’ false gods, but in the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob; Peter, as he denied the Son of God, only later to be the rock on which the Church is built; or Saul, the chief murderer of Christians to become Paul, one of greatest apostles the Church will ever know.  The Alpha and Omega shows His longsuffering from beginning to end.  It is done in such a way that makes our hearts ache, our jaws drop, and Lord willing, our knees bend in praise and gratitude that a LORD like this would wait, so He could choose us for a small piece of giving Him back His glory.  What an honor it should be to wait on a God like this!

Isaiah 26:8-9

^8 “Indeed, while following the way of Your judgments, O Lord, We have waited for You eagerly; Your name, even Your memory, is the desire of our souls. ⁹ At night my soul longs for You, Indeed, my spirit within me seeks You diligently; For when the earth experiences Your judgments the inhabitants of the world learn righteousness.”

Hosea 12:6

“Therefore, return to your God, Observe kindness and justice, And wait for your God continually.”

1 "Charles Spurgeon Waiting Quotes", What Christians Want To Know http;//www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/25-great-waiting-quotes 

 

Scripture taken from the New American Standard Bible, © Copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission